Hoodoo Highway

Oh me Oh my, what shall I buy?

Christmas has rolled around once again and I am on the quest for some cool gifts for Michael, etc.

In doing so, I give you my annual Gifts You Should Not Buy... ever (or why in the world would you buy this gift?)

In no particular order, but at the top of my list of absolutely weird stuff... the Ear Wax Camera!! Hey, not only can you look deep into the caverns of your ear and see how much wax you have, you can watch yourself clean it out!! GROSS. I would be more than a little creeped out to get this from someone.

Ah, so you have a hunter in your family? Perhaps you think these Salt & Pepper Shakers would be just the thing? Nooooo..unless the recipient is a single male, with no hopes of a companion because if you give this to some man who has a woman...she has to put up with this stuff. Now really, how pretty to look at is this?

Now a whole lot of folks have iPods, not me I just have an MP3 player so I do not get all the cool iPod accessories, like this little jewel. My god, who wouldn't need to dock their iPod next to the toilet so they can listen to it before they wipe.

Sadly, I know of some men who would love to get this...tightwads!

Hey, all you Christian smokers out there...have I got a gift for you! Full of guilt and shame, all in an effort to save you from yourself and a one way ticket to a real smoking place.... Along the same line, worship with your meal, or at the very least you might convince someone on ebay that the image appeared magically and make some big money.

For those lazy ice cream eaters in the family. DO NOT enable them to be this lazy.

What about the crafty people? You say you like to make your own gifts, hey no shame in that. In fact, I am making some really cool journals and albums for some gifts this year. BUT (and I emphasize the BUT) there are some things that just should not be made. For instance, the bra purse. While I like the idea of giving "support" (no pun intended) to breast cancer awareness, I think the whole pink ribbon thing is a much better option than flaunting around an old bra made into a purse. Depending on whose bra you used, well it could be a teeny purse or larger bag (no names mentioned AHEM).

Nothing says I went all out on a gift for you more than the Nothing Jar. Hey, it even tells you that it is a great fundraiser for Christmas Stalls?? Would you really buy one of these. The something about this jar is that the crafter who creates it and sells is - is the only one getting $omething. What? you say you need a bag to carry your peanut butter and jelly sandwich to work in BUT it has to look like a "cool to be slim" carrier? Well, look no more. Seriously, if someone gave you this wouldn't you think..what the Hell? I would rather have had the Lean Cuisine, at least you would get something from it. Well this website is just full of nifty crafty ideas like this bracelet. I mean come on, what woman would not be thrilled beyond belief to open a jewelry box on Christmas day and find that her honey made this just for her. Swoon city baby! Retro, it is all the rage but this retro is not happening. You know you remember these. I was always fascinated and wondered why we never had a toilet paper lady. What was up with that? I think I figured it out - my grandma never advanced to toilet paper lady - she was too busy with ponchos, afghans, vests and hats - all of which I sported proudly, thank you very much!

So, maybe I have been able to help you just a bit. If you have any questions or need assistance in determining the right gift, just give me a holler and I will roll out the gift911 mobile to help you! Remember, if you have to convince yourself that the person will like it, they probably won't!!! Happy Holidays! I am off to make someone a potato chip bracelet. Whoo hooo..

P. S. Hey Carolyn & Flap, I issue a challenge to you two talented beer sweater ladies... make this chic beer outfit and Larry, get on the phone to Nicaragua or El Salvador - we need to move fast on this before the whole world catches on!! (These by the way are ok to receive as Christmas gifts - I just ran across it while searching and had to throw it in here).

posted by Deb @ 9:27 PM